Friday, April 9, 2010

Judgemental

During my experience as a mother I have been really annoyed by some judgemental scenarios. So I thought I would share them as a "what not to do" and let me preface this by saying I am sure I have probably offended other moms with my opinions, but I am consciously trying to mind my own business these days b/c that is what I wish people would do for me. You know "do unto others..."

Scenario #1
I was at a gathering where a mom was letting her baby CIO, which is fine and does not hurt babies in my opinion. I do this myself from time to time depending on what kind of day Carson has - b/c I know my son best and I know what works for him. Anywho...there was another mother who witnessed the CIO method taking place and looked at the crowd and said "Well, I ROCK MY babies" with a "shame on you" tone and face. And I wanted to say..honey nobody cares. After she said that, a couple of other parents were whispering in shame of that mother practicing the CIO method. I guess they didn't know that she was my friend they were talking about and that I also use CIO when I need to. AN.NOY.ING people..mind your own.


Scenario #2
Actually this is several scenarios...people have all kind of opinions of Carson sleeping with us for 1/2 of the night. We rock him to sleep whenever its apparent that he is tired which is usually between 7 and 8pm. Then he wakes up anywhere from midnight to 2AM and I put him in bed with us. Why? B/C I am tired and I have a job to get to in the mornings so you won't catch me sleep training at 2AM, no thanks. Anyway, I digress often, but people tell us "good luck with that" or "you're making it hard on you and him" or "he is gonna be in your bed forever" or "you better put a stop to it now"....People - it is NUNYA! You worry about yours and I will worry about mine. I don't care where other people's babies sleep, why are people concerned where mine sleep?

Scenario #3
Among the wars of formula v. breast, and sleep training v. not; there is a big one on natural v. medicated/intervention births. I have 2 very lovely friends, (one is my SIL) who are very into the natural way of things. Rebecca wanted and achieved a natural childbirth and my good friend Janie wants the same thing in June. While this is not something I ever aspired to..lets face it I HEART an epidural. Man...I tell ya...I was on some good drugs when I had my baby and for 2 weeks after.. mmmm.....there I go digressing again. Ok so while natural is not something I wanted, I would never put them down for wanting it or tell them that they weren't capable of doing it - I don't know what they are capable of, and people have different thresholds for pain (Janie's Dr. was very rude to her about wanting a natural birth and Becca had a few people tell her that she would change her mind when she felt a real contraction). On the other side, it is my hope that they don't view me or any other mother as "weak" for accepting the pain meds in order to GIVE BIRTH. Everyone has different views on what they want the birth of their children to be and that is A-OK. I was so annoyed in my labor and delivery class - a lady kept asking questions about pain meds and at what stage in labor you can get them and other mothers just kept laughing, rolling there eyes, saying "my gosh, she doesn't want to feel anything does she" ...well you know what..she doesn't HAVE to b/c this day in age the drugs are there and they are goooood. To me its like technology...technology is wonderful, I don't understand people who hate and avoid technology! Why would I mail or fax a resume to a client when I can just email it? If you know me you know I ain't gonna do nothin I ain't got to.


My point in all of this is don't hate (you haven't walked in their shoes)...everyone is an individual and has their own way of doing things for a reason.

4 comments:

Candace said...

I'm with you - I KNOW that we all do things that work for US. Parenthood is simply survival! HA!

Carrie said...

I love how honest you are! I always hate when people tell me what to do with MY CHILD! You are a great mother and don't let anyone tell you different!

Janie said...

You are so funny - I love this post. It kills me, how some people jump in and say too much and them some of us (like me) tend not to say anything, because I figure they will just tell me to kiss their ass LOL. For example, I can't stand hearing newborns cry for more than 10 minutes. You can't spoil a 3 week old baby IMHO. Do something just don't let it cry. I also never say anything about people who let their kids run wild even though it drives me crazy and I think its rude (especially when they are at my house). I wish there was a balance! I do believe "it takes a village" but I also don't need any morons telling me how to handle my own business. LOL!

TheFeministBreeder said...

There's a pretty good reason that some people feel strongly that CIO is a bad parenting tool, and that's because of the research showing that CIO can actually cause babies brain damage.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/8636950.stm

Some people are judgmental jerks, and some people are just a little more informed and careful than others.

Most every woman I've ever known who refuses an epidural does so because she is VERY well informed about the risks of the epidural to the baby and the mother. It's not a risk-free procedure, so again, the judgment makes sense. I'm in no position to judge anybody for whatever decisions they make, but it is hard for me to sit back when people talk about choices as though they have no impact one way or the other. They do, and unless people are familiar with the risks they are accepting, then they're not making a full informed choice.